I know that we often need input from our sisters for ideas for this page is for all of us to contribute ideas that have worked for us and search to find new suggestions we might use. I’ll start it off with some suggestions I’ve seen recently from other pastors’ wives.
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Melisa Turner of Oroville, Wa., keeps a basket of crayons and different coloring pages in the foyer. Small children can grab some to entertain themselves during service.
Wedding Shower Game: It’s a twist on the clothespin game; give each arriving guest several silk rose petals (in the bride’s colors). Anytime someone uses the bride’s and groom’s name in the same sentence, another person can request two of her petals. The one with the most petals wins a small prize.
To encourage your children’s faith in God, purchase a small blank book and record everything that your family prays about regularly — the sick goldfish to wishing they could visit grandma and grandpa. Each time a prayer is answered, highlight it with a colored marker. It will be visible evidence of the power of prayer that will build your children’s faith.
Dear Janice,
I would like to join your ministry have read whta the lord has done in you am thrilled am pastors wife from kenay my husband has served for 9 years actuallywe pastors wives ned to pary much we are veruy discourgaedwe lost our child last year plaese lets wrie eachtother am in kenya.
I would recomend this to pastors wivesplease
Thanks
PR Tom and Damar Misnityry in kenya
Hello Auntie.
take my heartly greetings in the name of Lord.Iam Magdalene messiah singh.Iam from Orissa.My dad is a pastor.I have completed Msc.But because of persecution many people came and destroyed our church.So i joined in Ywam Youth with a mission.Now Iam working among youth.please keep on praying for me.May God bless you in your ministry.
With love Mercy
My husband has an interview coming up for a senior pastor position and I am nervous about the questions that will be asked of me. Woudl someone share with me the types of questions that were asked of them? I am nervous and really searching for some calming words and a little advice!
Thanks
@Damar Ochuka
Damar, I grieve for you and your loss. I pray that god blesses you with many children ( in Kenya) to help ease the pain but to also show his power to overcome. God bless you !
Hello
am married to a pastor with two growing churches and i need encouragemnet to find God’s will where i really ned to stand as a wife to help him in the growth of the ministry.
i reaaly wan to hear from you soon.
Robinah, I can relate to what you are saying. People often have role that they believe a PW is suppose to fit into. She is suppose to dress a certain way, speak a certain way, she is suppose to be apart of this ministry works, but not that ministry work. The advice that I can give you is to seek God and not man for where HE wants you to be. God will tell you exactly where you NEED to be in the Ministry. Allow Him to be your guide, He will NEVER lead you wrong.
Hello fellow PW’s 🙂
I am in need of advice. My husband is a Methodist Pastor and we moved to a very rural area of Kentucky for our present appointment. We ahve been here 1 year and 5 months. During that time one of the two Churches he Pastored has been very unwelcoming to me and right at rude and unkind. I was hospitalized twice, no meals brought over or offer of assistance either time.
Last night at y husband’s Bible Study group at the one church, they made it clear that they draw “racial” lines. No intermarrying between races and that other race’s were not welcome to to worship with them. This stand of theirs went completely across the board, any race that was not white was not welcome.
I am a woman of color, mixed blood; German and Onondaga, which is a Native American tribe from up state New York where I was born. They essentially said that inter marriage is unacceptable. My husband is caucasian of scottish decent. Exceedlying fair skinned, blue eye’s and blond reddish hair. I guess you can imagine what I look like, deep olive skin without “tan marks”.
My husband felt as though he had been kicked in the gut when this group of the major members expressed their true feels on marriage of caucasian’s with other races, even races of “mixed” blood. He asked them when they were done spouting off all the different “unacceptable and unworthy” races that should not be allowed to worship in their church, if they thought he had been “wrong” to marry me.
Since last night and all day today, I have felt as though someone dug a mile deep hole in me, the whole 1 1/2 years of rejection, rudeness and unkindness hit me like a ton of bricks. I said to my husband, there are many things I can change about myself, but skin color is not one of them. I asked him if being married to me had damaged his ministry in this one church, he said he didn’t know. We are both sick over this and are at a loss as how to anage this congregation (still flying a confederate flag).
I need some kind of counseling to find a coping mechanism, this probably will not be the last congregation we run into like this. The Methodist Church is an itinerate system and we get moved a couple of years. Thank you for your consideration. Kasey
Why not pray about getting out of that denominational organization and going independent? I read a secular book once that I never forgot. It was written by a very successful female owner of a large advertising firm in NYC. She gave advise related to the workplace but it may at times also relate to other relationships. She said, “Don’t ever stay where you don’t respect the company. We can become spiritually contaminated by those we associate with. God is well able to lead you independently of a church organization. My Senior Pastor, where I am also a Pastor, is leaving a huge international denomination. God told him to break from it. These things may happen when we can’t grow or align with organizations we may be a part of. May God guide you in all things. He knows what the next step is for you. He’s not worried or confused. He has the precise place. Sometimes these experiences are for deep development, which we surely grow most in difficulty. Sometimes it’s God’s ways of leading us in a different direction. May God enlighten the eyes of your understanding and illuminate the path ahead of you, in the name of Jesus. Rev Helen Davies/Dallas, TX.
@Kasey Burt kasey, I am truly sorry that you and your husband are dealing with this issue. What do these people think? Only whites are going to heaven? What about Christ? Would they turn him away because of the color of his skin? I can’t say that I know what you are going through exactly, but I do know what is like to be a pastor’s wife. I know what it is like to deal with people who are mean spirited. Try to remember in these difficult times, “We wrestle not against flesh and blood…………..” Maybe what you are dealing with are “church members” not Christians! Pray for these people daily. Do the best you can to show the love of Christ to them. This attack on you is of the enemy! Just like Joseph, his brother’s meant What they did against him for evil but God meant it for good! Look for what the Lord is trying to teach you from this. Don’t let the enemy make you second guess your marriage. Remember, “It will come to pass”! This will not last forever! It only feels like it right now. In due time there will be brighter days ahead!
@Kasey Burt
That is beyond acceptable! If after some thorough teaching from scripture on Racism (including interracial marriage e.g. Moses and his wife and that the people of the bible likely looked more like you than the them anyway!) if they do not change I would strongly suggest you leave. He really needs to make a stand as their teacher. He is accountable to God for that.
My husband just came from a church were some (quite a few) believed in some things that are definitely unscriptural. He simply unapologetically taught the truth for years. We didn’t experience that animosity though and if we did I don’t know how I would have handled that graciously, ugh!
Has your husband considered being ordained in a different denomination where you don’t have to move every couple of years? Otherwise it sounds like russian roulette, esp if you get stuck in that type of congregation.
My husband has stated often that it takes about 7 years to become comfortable with the congregation and vice versa. The denomination my brother attends has the same policy and it’s really been difficult as they have had to let go of pastor’s they love when neither wants to separate.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this! I’m sure many of us here wish we could go down there and stand with you. I’ll say a prayer for you now sister!
Sorry to hear about your ordeal Sister Kasey. You need God’s intervention in this matter! There is the need to also bring this issue to the attention of the authority of United Methodist. There is no reason for this kind of torture because there is only one heaven. The parishioners have to right to dictated who their pastor get married to. It is a battle that has to be worn. Can I suggest you pray the scriptures below?
2 Corinthians 10:3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:
2 Corinthians 10:4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds)
2 Corinthians 10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. God Bless you Sister as you move on without giving up.
@Kasey Burt
Please try to get yourself the books of the author: Dag Heward Mills. These books will change your life!
@Kasey Burt
OMGosh Kasey it is the year 2011, right?! That should never ever be tolerated – I seriously could not believe what I was reading ~ and these people call themselves Christ followers for real?
Interracial??? God created the HUMAN RACE and it is a beautiful creation! This is outrageous and I can’t believe these blatant racists can look at themselves in the mirror. There is no place for that ugliness, sickness and divisiveness in Father’s family. Lord Jesus, plz help all involved here ~ I pray for strength and courage for Kasey and her husband and for you to lift them up, out and away from the ignorance of those people ~ I ask for the perpetrators to experience conviction and that you would heal them of their sickness and put your truth in them. Thank-you Lord Jesus that Justice and Righteousness are the foundations of your throne. Amen
@Kasey Burt
Kasey, I am so sorry that you had to experience that rejection! It must have hurt and is hurting so bad. My husband Jim wrote you on Worthy. He wanted you to know that the first two comments from you were deleted, body that is, the headers were left. He got your last one of three. He tried to find you on facebook but came up m t. So here I am.
I just can’t believe that you experienced this judgement and rejection in a body of Christ by the elders or influential members (?). Unimaginable. I am like my husband with denominationalism and the destructive power of ethnocentrism; which at first glance concerns exclusivly ethnicity but he uses the word in the generally understood social science usage which encompasses most all forms of social rejection by human groups and subgroups (pride/superiority issues). Your experience is a case in point and probably why your frist two comments were deleted as Jim’s comments (totally unaware of who you were or what you were going through) probably triggered and outpouring from your heart and soul which was “unapproved.” Racism is a base (Neandrathal) form of ethnocetrism which can only really be explained by Christians. Science can only observe the effects but the source is spiritual; demonic, of which we are overcomers. Dr. Charles Stanley (“In Touch Ministries”) a couple of weeks ago or maybe last week, explained that if we are God’s children we are not victims in his series on wisdom through trials. He said that we should see a trial as an opportunity to learn another lesson from our Daddy (in control of all things and who loves you very much.) But that is easy to say and your situation appears so hard. After your primary relationship with the Lord you NEED your husband’s love and support and protection at any cost. We will pray that your husband is able to effectively deal with this in such a way and we will pray that you are bale to continue to hold your head up radiant with God’s, your Daddy’s, love and forgiveness. What you are going through is an opportunity for you to show that what they fear (source of racism) is not in you but that you ARE of the Body of Christ and the proof of their belonging is upon them; as they surley, surley are NOT behaving as members of the Body. My husband would like to hear from you. He is at facebook as Jim Bird. These people’s rejection of you is NOT a personal issue in any way although it may appear and feel so. Rather it is a collective ventilation of evil energy using you for its expression. If you don’t satisfy their expectations with their response they will learn to find another target. See it as it is; not racial discrimination but rather an attack by the adverdary whom we are capable of defeating. May God bless and strengthen you.
@Carol Bird
I want to thank everyone who responded to my post over this last year, it was October 2010 when I posted and I had not been back on here until today. Thank you Carol and Jim Bird for reminding of this site 🙂
I have to say that GOD has been incredibly faithful in so many areas! Both of our Churches are now very loving and very supportive. Sometimes in very rural areas change is slower in coming, because trust is more challenging. What I do know is that God’s LOVE wins…and I mean by you and I loving others regardless of whether we have been hurt or not, we must LOVE.
It is a portion of our calling, to place our own hurt aside and look forward to what can be and what will be. I am so blessed by our congregations and I have to say that I hope I have been a blessing to them in some way 🙂
Wow just ready some good news and bad ones!Man I must say everything work for the good to those who love God.So let look up to Him the Auther and finisher of our faith the Alfa and Omega.Love you all
My husband and I had been extremely active in our church. He was a Deacon and I was the children’s director for Kids church, VBS and Wednesday night program.
I also planned events for church fellowship; women’s exercise night, monthly game night, monthly movie night, superbowl party, etc.
My husband has recently became a Pastor at another church, which the previous pastor retired. The previous pastor and his wife have continued to stay.
But I don’t feel like a fit. The previous Pastor’s wife continues to say she was looking for a replacement as much as her husband was. But when I ask what I can do to help her or what does she do as the pastor’s wife versus a member of the congregation, I don’t get an answer.
I’ve tried bringing up ideas for fellowship for everyone just looks at my like I’m an alien. Has anyone experienced this and if so, what did you do.
Wanting to serve, but ……..
Michele
Man! This is a tough job! (PW) @ kasey Burt it sounds like your husband is reeling. I praythat the situation is changing for the better, that this ‘club’ for it cannot be called a body of beleivers is responding to the leadership of your husband by now. My heart really aches for you and will pray for you by name often. @michelle – take Godly advice from your husband not from a woman who doesn’t seem to have a spiritual mothering heart. Listen overall to God’s leading and remember we are all different. I struggle terribly in of my husband’s churches but the other is like home and on the long and winding road that brought me here The Lord has handed me, despite myself many useful tools which itvsems He allows me to use for His glory alone. I was reminded recently i am a pastor’s wife not a pastor and so i don’t have to be everything to everyone, this gives me permission to support him and our children effectively. You be the wife mother woman you beleive God designed you to be…and there in all of that i spoke to myself too! Phew! I needed a good talking to.
Kasey, i was so taken aback by what i had read i didn’t see your post telling of how the situation had become so much better. It’s a great help to read how the Lord moves and softens hearts, teaches us patience and to keep trusting
I would like to hear from a pastor’s wife please. We have pastored the church we are at for 8 yrs. now the church has always sung Happy Birthday and given me a party. The church has always given me a check for my birthday. I totally support my husband 100% we are a team we were both in a gospel singing group before pastoring we sing together and I play piano, our son plays drums so we also do the praise and worship at church. I head up the women’s ministry and work hard doing a lot of fundraisers for the church as we are building a new church. My husband the Pastor recently let a cleaning lady go in the church she didn’t attend, she didn’t do her job of cleaning very well, she never would help with any dinners that we had or help with any fundraisers in any way. My husband could not say or ask her to do anything because she would run to another sister in the church and say that he was being mean to her. We watched her and checked behind her and had to pick and clean up behind her so my husband let her go. Then a deacon on the board pitched a fit because she used to be kin to him and his wife that she complained to and told my husband that he had no right to do this and threatened to cut what they paid us. So I just had a birthday and he always cuts a check and leads the congregation in Happy Birthday song to me. Well this time he did not sing and would not give the ladies a check to go in my card. They have asked him 4 times and it has been 3 weeks since and he still won’t give them a check for me. I have never heard of a church that didn’t sing or give the pastor’s wife any thing for her birthday. Has anybody experience this or heard of any thing like this happening? I am really hurt about this not that I think that I am anything special. I devote all my time to this church and people. My husband and I go every time some one calls, hospitals, home visits. make supply runs and pay the church bills. We are totally committed to this church. Some people can be very disrespectful. Is any body out there going through this. Please let me hear from you!
@Pam
Sorry Pam, this may be a cultural difference. In this country we are supported very lightly and we manage because people give us fruit and vegetables, pass on used clothes for the children and invite us to eat with them a couple of times a week. Maybe being a pastoral family means something different to different people and I can’t say that we wouldn’t like to be more comfortable, but since giving up work for ministry we live amongst hard working farmers and have experienced The Lord’s grace every day and the fruit of the work is a great sustenance. Sweetie,birthdays come and go, it’s normal. I pray you can find peace about this taking it to The Lord and I hope this difficult time will pass.
@Pam
Pam, I am a PW for 3 years and had not heard of congregation doing anything special for PW and pastors for their birthdays. I hope you feel better knowing that you’re not alone.
women of God. thank you for this floor. I am a pastor’s wife from South Africa. I got married to my husband who was a pastor already. I am at the most lonley pastor’s wife in this part of the world. I feel spritually abused, since any human being who have complains about me can do so even on the pulpit with my husband’s approval. I hate being a pastor’s wife, actually if I had a choice, I would only be a wife to my husband and attend another church. I am at a point whereby I am more like a zombie at church. I cant even pray or sing. I truly miss my older church and my life there. Thank you for reading this.
@delli Delli this is so sad, please find a Godly friend maybe from your old church to confide in. You maybe should try to involve yourself less in church, just be present for the service. You are the pastor’s wife and i feel that that’s where your only obligation is for now, not until you feel at home in this church should you try to involve yourself.. A lesson I learned the hard way but thankfully quickly. I pray for your husband’s support for you.
Delli this is so sad, please find a Godly friend maybe from your old church to confide in. You maybe should try to involve yourself less in church, just be present for the service. You are the pastor’s wife and i feel that that’s where your only obligation is for now, not until you feel at home in this church should you try to involve yourself.. A lesson I learned the hard way but thankfully quickly. I pray for your husband’s support for you.
@delli
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@Kasey Burt
I realize that this question is years old but my heart breaks for you! How did everything work out???
Thanks for innrdoucitg a little rationality into this debate.
yo
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