Changes – Again
How many of you are experiencing changes in your life right now? Did you discover that with new experiences your eyesight shifts and all of a sudden everyone you meet is facing the same thing?
Years ago, Mike and I bought a white minivan. All of a sudden, every third car on the road was a white minivan. Who would have thought there were so many white vans?
And when you’re pregnant – who do you see? Pregnant women!
Because of this similarity I feel secure assuming that if I’m dealing with big changes in my life right now, a good many of you are also. The interesting thing about change is it brings stress. Even good change. A change like a marriage or a new baby is a wonderful change, yet produces stress none the less.
Hard changes bring even more stress than good changes. It’s difficult enough when a tough situation develops, but when said hard times stretch out like a dog on a rug in front of the fire – settled down to stay – one of several responses will occur:
- what at first is acceptance, may turn to anger
- what at first is trust and peace, can morph into rebellion
- waiting for it to pass may impel us to seek a solution on our own
Does it help or hinder that since this trial began I have, at different points, chosen all three responses? Does it help or hinder that my stress hasn’t abated, the answer hasn’t materialized, and I’m still going through it?
Have I learned anything? Yes. I have learned that God is faithful. I am learning to rest and trust. I am still battling bewilderment, frustration, and the Why?s
Tell me what you’ve learned. Everyone who comments will be entered into a drawing to receive a free Sunday’s Promise. Name will be drawn on March 15th. (Read more on Romance Series – A New Day link at top of page.)
God bless your day,
Janice
Janice,
Thanks for your post. It’s been my experience that God meets our needs in His time. But sometimes His timing takes a lot longer than we would like. I, like you, become frustrated and angry. I want to rebel, quit and leave. God has met our needs many times over the years, sometimes in spectacular “WOW” fashion. We are currently experiencing several situations and I find myself wondering what God’s will is or what he is trying to teach us. But I am sure He will reveal His plan in His time. I just hope I can wait on His timing and act according to His will.
Dawn
Hi, Janice, how glad I am to find this website. I need to listen to the voice of fellow minister-wives. My blog is much simpler that this. I do hope we can be friends.
Hello,
I am newly wedded to a minister and I’m finding myself challenged in how I ought to truly become one with him. We both have ministries, but I have chosen to embrace my calling and live it, he doesn’t seem all that interested in doing what he knows God has called him to do. He keeps telling me he’s not ready yet. I feel our relationship struggles for his lack of desire to be the head and lead us. I am a business owner and appreciate a certain level of control, but in my home and my intimate relationship, I do not want to be the one directing the show and being the ministry leader every day.
He has a very creative mind, as do I – that is how we found each other…doing what comes naturally for us, but his desire to make money is more important than discipleship. We recently found ourselves in an ugly fight. In those hot moments, I found it interesting how he chose to use scripture as a weapon instead of a balm to heal our hurts. In turn, I find myself feeling threatened, degraded, and disrespected and I lashed out. I don’t claim to be perfect, but I have never been a wife, or a pastor’s wife at that. I’m learning by the failures he continues to point out but is that how I learn to be a godly wife?
I feel lost … any support or encouragement will be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance!
Dear Shaunna, I just wanted to let you know that I understand some of what you are saying. My husband is the pastor of a small church. We have been here for 5 years and have seen no growth. He is working 3 jobs and we still don’t have anything to put aside for emergencies. His overworking has caused him to become resentful, mostly toward me. When I try to talk to him about finding a position in another church that may be able to support us, he gets furious and tells me I am just “greedy”. My main concern is for our marriage. He seems to think that if our kids are “happy” (and by the way, all five of them have been sharing a room for four years, including my 17-year old 171 pound son) then everything is okay, despite the fact that our marriage is under great stress. He also uses scriptures to make me look bad and to defend his point of view. It’s hard to argue against that. He makes me feel like I am a failure because I am not happy living this way. I really think he doesn’t want to find another position because of a lack of confidence on his part. I don’t know how to get him to see it, though. He denies it when I try to bring it up. Anyway, I hope it helps to know someone else is somewhat going through the same thing. God bless, and I hope things get better soon.
Thank you for this insightful piece, at just the time when I need it. I have definitely been responding to my stress in these three ways in the last few weeks, and explaining this to my beloved may help him understand where I am at!
I am not a pastor’s wife, but I am a woman in need of some godly advice. My husband and I attended a church for 8 years, but my husband began to have some issues with the decisions of the pastor and chose to leave and attend another church. I didn’t go with him right away because I felt that the Lord needed to deal with him and I would just be a hinderance. We were both in agreement that I would continue to attend the church where we started and he would attend at this new church. After one month I too left my church, with the blessings of my pastor, and started attending church where my husband goes. I have been there for 3 months but this change has been very difficult for me. It’s a much larger church, I haven’t made any real friends, and the way the women’s ministry works there is totally different than the church I came from. I have expressed to my husband how I feel, but we usually end up just arguing. When I read those 3 things about what change can do, it definitely described what I feel. Sometimes I do feel like taking things into my own hands and just return to where I used to attend. But I know that that would only hurt my husband. He is thriving at this new church, but I feel like a fish out of water. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I am married to a baptist pastor for six months now , i was having difficulty adjusting to the new change since i was in a charismatic church before we married .
i felt stressed and depressed from the beggining
thank you for the post
it has explained exactly what i was going through
sylvia
Greetings from Ghana to everyone